hide and seek (wrapped in plastic)
I’m always low on fuel
but tonight felt weirdly worse
I decided I’d hunt down some motivation
keep trying
from dusk to dawn
whatever it takes
stop digging
stand up
with a low buzz of revitalization
I rose from my chair
and as if on cue
a loud chime broke the silence
earlier I had sent a text to Pythia
eagerly reading her reply
I could tell she wanted to help
but unless I was missing something
I would need to figure this out myself
I muttered my thank you message to her
then almost on autopilot
I drifted toward the kitchen
when I got there
I felt something crunch
below my bare feet
for a second I thought I was
stepping on fish scales
but when I flipped on the light switch
I saw my caffeine all over the floor
somebody sliced open all my tea bags
again
ignoring that mess for now
I looked over at the sheet of iron
where the window used to be
old habits
how many bloated echoes
are swimming around out there
right now
I wondered
they’d be tapping on the glass
if it were still there
I shuddered
the microwave is busted
I’ve been using it as a cabinet
it holds a small box of band-aids
and an almost empty roll of duct tape
backup
for when the bandages lose their stickiness
I peeked at the supplies
to make sure they were still there
then thought
maybe if I look back
at that metal rectangle
enough times
I’ll be able to see through it again
unlikely
a deep hunger shook in my stomach
opening the refrigerator I saw
tall stacks of bright white styrofoam containers
surrounded by neon aluminum pints
I ate my fill of cold lo mein noodles
it was then that
sucking back the pint
feeling very full
I was ready to be productive
for the rest of the night
I’d see sunrise
I promised myself
and even if i don't have anything new
to show the sun when it gets here
I’ll have spent my time trying
this mess won’t clean itself